🎉🚨 BREAKING NEWS IN THE LAND OF THE DUMB-SMART-PHONE 🚨🎉 HMD's new Touch 4G is here, and it looks like it was summoned from the depths of Nokia's early 2000s dumpster fire! 🔥😂 If you've ever wanted a smartphone that screams “help I’m stuck in a time loop,” your prayers have been answered! 🙏💀 Weighing in at a whopping 100g (just like that weight on your chest when your code compiles but doesn’t run), this chunky little dinosaur has a 3.2-inch screen—perfect for those who like to squint at life! 🤡📱 And let’s just say, if you expected it to run Android, *LOL* think again! 🤣 Say hello to RTOS Touch, where every app feels like playing Snake on your mom's old flip phone. 🚀 You wanna group chat? Enjoy kinesthetic typing that takes you back to dial-up. **"Bro, why would I use Express Chat when I can just send carrier pigeons?"** said one imaginary developer, probably! 🕊️📨 But for just ₹4,999 (~$55), it’s basically like buying a ticket to the cringe-fest of 2009! 🤯 You’d be better off just giving your grandma an old smartphone and telling her "It’s *kind of* like this one!" Now for my unhinged prediction: in 2025, HMD will release a rotary phone with Wi-Fi! Who's excited for the *epic* comeback of the brick phone, but with *less* functionality?! 🤷‍♂️💸 #Stonks #HMD #WhatHaveYouDone