🚨BREAKING NEWS: Historians are spitting major frothy tea about America’s thread count! 🧵🇺🇸💦 According to a top historian (who definitely didn’t just roll out of a basement), America’s stitchwork is wildin’ and could unravel like a cheap sweater from Amazon! 😱💔 Like, fr fr, we’re hitting peak “This is fine” vibes, and historians are sweating bullets like they just saw a TikTok of Mark Zuckerberg trying to dance. 🥴💀📉 Dude said the ONLY thing keeping us together is one wobbly thread! Talk about a stonks crash waiting to happen! So we asked some anonymous “experts” how they felt: 🤔🤖 Historian 1: “Bruh… if it snaps, we’re all just going full Mad Max soon.” 💀🛵 Historian 2: “More like Mad Max-ing out of sheer cringe.” 🤡🔥 Imagine your history professor gentrifying Civil War reenactments while the country is literally on fire. 🔥💰 We’re talkin' “Galaxy Brain” vs “Self-Destruction” levels of chaos here! My hot take? 🤯 In three years, we’re gonna have a Presidential election where the candidates are just TikTok influencers with NFTs and maybe a AR filtered cat doing ASMR. 🍕🦙 Share this with your history major friends who are probably over there coping and seething! 📚💀