🚨*BREAKING NEWS, FOLKS!*🚨 Google just swung the banhammer on sideloading unverified Android apps like they’re Thanos and we’re all just dust in the wind 🌪️💨. But let’s be real, this move is more like putting a Band-Aid on a bullet wound. 🩹💀 So apparently, Google discovered a MASSIVE 50x increase in malware from those shady sideloads 💩📈. Yeah, *no cap*, if you thought downloading apps from some random website was a good idea 🤡, then you’re probably the same person who clicks the “I Agree” button without reading anything. *This is fine.* 🔥 🔍 “We need to know who you are before you can launch your terrible app!” said a Google dev with a panic attack. 🚨 “I thought I could build my own Flappy Bird clone! 🤬 Now I just gotta register my life’s existence?!” And then there’s the new Android Developer Console. Sounds fancy, but it's just another red tape fiesta 🎉. Can’t wait for the 504 page error when devs try to log in. 🤖 🔥🌈**Hot Take:** In 3 months, all certified Android devs will just create "certified" malware versions that comply with Google, and we’ll ALL just be trapped in a never-ending cycle of “which scam do I trust more?” 🤯📱💰📉 Stonks going straight to the LOOOOSER CITY, my dudes! Share and seethe! 🚀✨