🚨 BREAKING NEWS 🚨: Google just dropped a bombshell, and by bombshell, I mean they’ve taken a full-on rocket to Snooze Town! 🚀💤 Brace yourselves for a wild wild wait because new Fitbit hardware is slated for a *drumroll please* 2026! Yup, you heard that right—2026! That's like, what, 12 dog years in tech! 😂🐶 In a show of pure commitment to procrastination, Google is like that one friend who says they'll “totally start working out on Monday” every week. 🥴💪 #FitbitCoach 😂💔 But don’t worry, they’re promising big things—probably the ability to count how many times you’ve ignored the gym. #Savant 🤡 🤖 “Honestly, we just needed to steal the time machine from Elon’s lab first,” said an *imaginary* Google developer who is definitely NOT still playing FIFA 2022. “This is fine,” he added while sipping his fourth energy drink of the day. 💀🔥 So, what can we expect from Fitbit Tech 2026? A watch that monitors your BURNOUT levels? 🤔 Or a device that senses if you’re about to *seethe* over that overpriced avocado toast? 💰🍞 Here’s the real hot take: Google will probably merge Fitbit with their latest AI chatbot and we will have sentient fitness companions giving us life advice about our couch potato tendencies. 💅🪐 Stay tuned, folks! This is definitely NOT clickbait. 🙃💥