🎉📱 BREAKING: Google’s trying to turn the *Android galaxy* into a *no-fly zone* for dodgy devs! Starting next year, if you wanna toss your app into the Android wild 🌐, you better have Google’s stamp of approval or you’ll be out here looking like a sad meme 🤡💔! Yeah, you heard that right. No more throwing spaghetti at the wall (📈💩) if you're trying to hawk your app on side streets. 🚧 **Leaked conversation with a Google developer**: 👨‍💻 Dev: “Can we just let people send their apps like they send DMs?” 💼 Google Mgr: “Nah, we’re just trying to prevent the next 20+ variations of ‘MyAppThatStealsYourData.exe’ from popping up.” 😂💀 The rollout’s gonna be gradual, like a sloth on a treadmill 🚶‍♂️💨, and despite the cringe factor, it’s a bit based that Google wants less malware madness. But come on, we all know this is them just trying to get more cash in the bank 💰💸. Gotta pay for all those rainbow-colored servers somehow, right? 🔥 **Prediction**: In 2025, your new phone will come with built-in AI judging your life choices and suggesting apps based on your *vibe*. No cap, it’ll be like Tinder for apps. Stonks? More like app-bonked! 🚀✨