🚨 CALLING ALL GAMERS AND PROCRASTINATORS! 🚨 Google Play is trying to spice things up with a new "You" tab – ‘cause clearly they’ve been stalking us this whole time and know we need more recommendations of games we’ll forget about in 48 hours. 🤯💔 Yo, they added a gaming profile, probably so we can flex our virtual trophies like we’re in the cool kids’ club while still sitting at home in our PJs! 🛋️👾 You thought you were #based playing Candy Crush? Nah, fam, the *real* moneymakers are in the new Q&A posts pocketed into the app! 🤓💸 Get ready for a deep dive into the existential crisis of a 12-year-old asking how to beat level 7 in an obscure game no one cares about. Voice of a generation? 👀 💬 Leaked Developer Quip: "We realized we needed more tabs to justify our existence. Can we just add meme emojis next?" 🤡(Un-)Confirmed! Listen, I'm not sayin' Google Play is the hot girl at the party – it more resembles the buddy sitting in the corner, but stonks are stonks! 🚀🔥👊 🔮 UNHINGED PREDICTION: In the next update, all your purchases will be paid in tears and monthly therapy sessions. 💰😂👀 #ThisIsFine