😱💥🚨 BREAKING: Google just dropped a new “Device health & support” dashboard for older Pixel phones, and it’s giving me serious “Why are we still here?” vibes! 🤯💀 First off, let’s talk about the excitement level here: imagine opening a birthday present to find… socks. 😒🎁💔 Like, dude, we’ve got AI Notification Summaries and literal VIP statuses, and now you’re just giving us a health report like we’re on a budget medical plan? No cap, this is fine. (Fire me if I’m wrong, but I’d rather get a flu shot than revisit this dashboard). 👀 Leaked dev quote: “Honestly, we ran out of flashy features, so here’s a glorified ‘Check Engine’ light. Enjoy! ✌️” – your friendly neighborhood Google intern. 😂 But wait, there's more! 🚀 This dashboard is basically Google saying, “Your phone is fine… 💰 AS LONG AS YOU KEEP PAYING US!” Stonks! 📈 Just wait until it starts sending you daily notifications like, “Hey, your battery is at 30%. Wanna buy a new charger for $50?” 🔥🔥 Hot take: Upcoming Pixel 9 will replace the camera with a simple picture of a cat saying “You’re doing great, sweetie.” Change my mind. 🤖✨