🚨🚨BREAKING: Garmin's Venu X1 is basically the love child of a Forerunner 970 and a disco ball! 💃💣 But hold up—this baby is set to milk your wallet dry like it’s got a PhD in taking your 💰💰💰! So, Garmin dropped the Venu X1 and y’all, it’s got more flashy lights than a club on New Year’s Eve 🎇. But here’s the tea ☕: if you thought battery life was a priority, you might need to turn back to your trusty Forerunner 970, because this thing’s battery life is like a toddler after a sugar rush—max 1 day, and it’s down for the count! 💀 Developer chat leak: “Sure, we could've made it last longer, but have you seen how pretty it is?" 🤖💬 Meanwhile, user-reviewers be like: “This is fine…” 😩🔥 But hey, it tracks your *every move* like a surveillance state—so at least your guilt over calories burned will be on point? 🤷‍♂️🤖 In the end, folks, if you’re ready to fork out your stash for a watch that says “look at me” instead of “I’m practical,” then Venu X1 is **based** as heck! 🚀 🚀 HOT TAKE: In 2024, Garmin will drop a smartwatch that makes coffee, does your taxes, and replaces your love life—fueled by pure rage and caffeine! Stonks will soar! 📈💥