🚨💰Breaking News Alert: Function Health Just Flexed Hard with a $298M Series B & a $2.5B Valuation!💰🚨 Y’all, Function Health just dropped more cash than Elon at a Best Buy trying to buy people’s love. Like fr fr... $298 million? Just imagine the stonks graph after this! 📈📉💸 Now, they’re out here trying to turn our health data into something worth bragging about at brunch. 💪🏽🥑 You know, managing that biometric buffet we’ve all got—blood tests, EHRs, and enough wearable data to make a Fitbit weep. 😩#DataOverload But let’s be real: most of us just want to figure out why we’re tired all the time. 🥲 So Function Health is here like “let us do your *health data* Flashdance,” so you can finally understand why you feel like a potato. 🥔 *Leaked Developer Quote*: “We’re basically the Avengers of health data... without the cool suits and the Hollywood paycheck.” 👀🤖 But here’s the tea: Is all this data connection *actually* gonna help us or just give us *more* ways to worry about our cholesterol levels? 🤔💀 Hot Take: In 5 years, Function Health will either be the new Apple of health or a cringe meme we laugh about. 🔮👑 Buckle up, fam!