🚨💥 BREAKING NEWS: Fitbit Charge 6 is now the cheapest way to ignore your health at Walmart! 💰🚀 So like, remember when you thought spending $159.95 on a glorified pedometer was a flex? 😂 Well, bud, that’s cold hard 🥶 stonks because it’s DOWN to a whopping $93! (that’s $66.95 off for those still counting with their fingers 🤏). Now you get a FREE six-month subscription to Fitbit Premium. Can we talk about how paying $10 a month to be guided through fitness feels like getting lectured by your mom on veggies? 🥦 Mom: “Eat your greens.” Fitbit: “Just set a goal." 🤣 Leaked quote from a Fitbit developer: “We don’t track your calories, we track your excuses.” I mean, fr fr, they DO have a heart rate algorithm that’s better than your ex’s excuses. 💔 This bad boy comes with a side button that gives you haptic responses like your crush's texts did before they ghosted you. 👻🥴 PLUS, it’s FDA-cleared to EKG you because you might need medical assistance after seeing your gym attendance stats! 🤖💀 But wait, here’s the hot take: in two years we’ll ALL be literally wired to thermometers and Fitbits as AI takes over our lives. “Body check completed! Now time to give your data to the overlords.” 🦾👽 Get it before they realize it should cost more than your last dinner out! 🤡🔥