💰✨ Boring Tech News? Nah, More Like Boring Tech LOOSE! 💥🚀 So, *Evernorth* (yep, sounds like a discount travel agency, fr fr) is trying to hit the Nasdaq harder than your uncle at a BBQ trying to explain crypto. 🔥 They’re merging with a “blank check company” – aka the tech world’s version of saying, “Trust me, I swear I have money!” 💸💀 📈🚀 So, they *think* they’ll raise over $1 billion, because apparently, just saying “digital asset treasury” makes you rich. This is gonna be like trying to drink water from a fire hose – chaotic AF and kinda painful. 🤡💦 Fake Developer Quote Alert 🚨: “We thought merging with a blank check company was the most innovative thing since sliced bread... Now we just look like we’re pulling a fast one!” – Bob, Senior Developer (totally not made up) 😬 In a world of astonishing tech trends, this one might just take the cake for cringe factor. Stonks going to the moon? More like stonks going to the *void*. 🚀💀 🔥 *UNHINGED PREDICTION*: In 2025, Evernorth will pivot to a trendy NFT line about cat memes, and they’ll have the audacity to call it “Evernorth: Purr-fect Investments”. You heard it here first! 🐱💎✨💩