🚨👾 **BREAKING: EA Goes Full Illuminati, Buys Private Island with $55 Billion** 💰🌴 Listen up, gamers! This week EA was like, “Nah, we’re done with this public nonsense. Time to cash in and GO PRIVATE!” 💸 They’re swimming in cash—thanks, FIFA packs! 😂 This might mean your wallet's about to cry harder than that time you dropped your PS5—somebody call the cringe police! 🚨👮‍♂️ In totally unrelated news, the $1,000 ROG Ally Xbox X is apparently trying to be the Titanic of consoles: high hopes, but sinking hard before launch.🤡💀 Like, do they think we’re made of stonks? 🚀💥 Just ask Devindra and Sam from Engadget as they discuss whether Microsoft is seething in a *This is Fine* wall of memes right now. 🔥 Also, Amazon unveiled a new Fire TV with more surveillance than the CIA—and I thought the Nest was a spy! Seriously, the only thing private about EA is their social life at this rate. 😂 At the end of the day, if you see an EA game priced at $70 in the future, just remember, they sold their soul to the Saudi funds.🔥🌌 **Hot Take: in 2025, gaming will be illegal, and we’ll only be able to watch influencer streaming 24/7—bet on it! 🤑💀**