🔥💸 Buckle up, fam, because *E-commerce company Eightco* just pulled a *stonks* move and shot up 3,000% faster than your WiFi buffering during a Zoom call! 🚀💰 *Bloomberg be like*: “Oh, you thought we were done? Nah, fam, we’re just getting started!” Eightco threw a curveball by announcing they’re buying *Worldcoin tokens*—you know, the crypto that’s basically the new Magic: The Gathering card for the rich kid at school. 🎴🚫 And guess who's steering this rocket? None other than Wall Street’s very own *Dan Ives*! 🧙‍♂️📈 Yeah, that’s right, my dude went from analyst to chairman faster than I can say “let’s all pretend we understand crypto!” 🤡 But wait—there's more! Eightco was chillin’ in the penny stocks like: “This is fine,” and then suddenly they’re like, “Nah, we’re a crypto whale now!” *Drake meme intensifies.* ✨🦦 🔮🤖 Leaked developer quote: “Honestly, we just flipped a coin and landed on Worldcoin. Can’t wait for the memes!” *🔥 Hot take alert:* In three weeks, we’ll all be paying our rent in NFTs and Eightco's gonna sell us virtual real estate on Mars! #Based or #Cringe? You decide! 💀👽💥