🚨BREAKING: Echelon Just Declared War on Offline Workouts!🧐💔 So, guess what? Echelon just dropped a firmware update that’s about as useful as a chocolate teapot. If your smart home gym wasn’t already connected to the Internet, it’s now effectively a *very* expensive coat rack. 🤡💀 Yup, say goodbye to those “I workout in my pajamas” vibes because the only thing that’s getting reps now is your router! 😂💪💻 Roberto Viola, the dev of the QZ app (I’m screaming “quality zone” but it’s clearly more like “quarantine zone” 😂), explained that now Echelon machines must connect to their servers to even think about working. Imagine your Peloton suddenly requiring a Wi-Fi connection just to spin wheels—this isn't the dystopian future we signed up for, fam! 👀🌐 A user took to the interwebs: "I updated my machine, now it’s a fancy paperweight. Thanks, Echelon! 🙄" And let’s be real, if you’re about that offline life, you might as well just invest in a treadmill that doubles as a clothes hanger. Stonks? More like sunk! 💰💔 **Hot Take:** In a few months, expect Echelon to release a subscription plan for users who want “offline capability”... for only an extra $29.99 a month. No cap! 🚀🔥