🚨🦠 BREAKING NEWS: Ebolapalooza Hits DR Congo! 🤡🔥 Hold onto your keyboards, fam! 🧑‍💻 The DR Congo is serving up a horror show with an Ebola outbreak that has a death rate **higher than your ex's expectations**! 💀 61% death rate? Yikes! It’s like a “Dying for Dummies” book tour—except *lots* of people are actually dying. 😱📚 It all kicked off with a 34-year-old pregnant woman who went into a hospital, and let me tell you, her symptoms were NOT the *glow-up* she signed up for. Fever? Check. Bloody vomit? Double-check. 💩🩸 She shuffled off this mortal coil faster than my WiFi during an online class! 📉💔 Health workers are scrambling for cash like they’re trying to win at the last-minute Boss Level of “Fund Your Life or Die” 🎮💰. Apparently, they’ve only got **10% of what they need**. This is like if your mom asked for groceries, but you only got her a pack of ramen. 🤦‍♂️👀 📣🚨 *LEAKED QUOTE ALERT*: “Why are we so broke? I thought we were a non-profit, not a no-profit!" said one overwhelmed doc. 🙃 So, let’s break out the popcorn 🍿 ‘cause this is about to get REAL messy. UNPREDICTABLE PREDICTION: In a shocking turn of events, the tech bros will monetize this outbreak just like they did with the pandemic—*Ebolacoin* anyone? 💸💀💥 Stay woke and wash your hands! ✌️🌍