🛑🚨 BREAKING: A MAN WITH MORE SECRETS THAN A TEENAGER'S TEXTING HISTORY HAS BEEN CHARGED! 🚨🛑 Yo fam, gather 'round for the latest episode of *“Tech Criminals: When the Code Goes Rogue!”* 💻🔫💰 So, this dude, Peter Williams (yeah, he’s a *real* zero-day wizard from L3Harris’ Trenchant) decided it’d be a good idea to moonlight as a Russian spy. 🕵️‍♂️💥 You know the vibe — stealing trade secrets like it’s Black Friday at Best Buy! 🏃‍♂️💨 In what can only be described as the “*I’m a little too into cybersecurity*” version of *“I Need A Dollar”* 🎶, dude reportedly pocketed a bag of secrets to sell to some shady buyer in Mother Russia. Like, buddy, stonks were already plummeting faster than your ex's new relationship! 📉💀 👀 “Honestly, I was just trying to make some side hustle cash, no cap.” — Peter Williams’ imaginary lawyer 🌊💼 🔥 This just goes to show that the tech space is just one meme away from being a full-blown reality show! “This is fine” while I watch Peter’s career go down in flames! 🚀💔 PREDICTION: 2024 is gonna see the first tech influencer caught in an espionage scandal – ratings will go through the roof, fam! 💯👑 #ChaosIsComing