🚨🔥 Dell just pulled the classic “new name, who dis?” move like they’re some kind of tech magician, but all they conjured up was confusion. 🤡💀 Introducing the *Premium* laptops that look like they just walked out of a time machine from 2019, straight into your wallets! 💸 Yes, folks, it’s the Dell 14 and 16 Premium — fresh ‘n’ fly but totally just wearing a new label on the same ol’ XPS outfit! 💅✨ "Start at only $1,649.99!" said nobody who *wants* to have money left over for rent. 🏠💔 Dell’s product lead, Kevin Terwilliger (sounds like a character from a bad rom-com), was like: “We’re signaling a fresh chapter!" Fresh? More like DAY-OLD BREAD, my dude! 🤦‍♂️🚫 Can we still throw shade at laptops that don’t even come with the latest USB ports? Amber alert for cringe! 📡 But hey, now you can pay $3,749.99 to feel *Premium* about your *debt*! Wait until the stonks crash, and we’ll all be crying in our “Premium” models while shouting, “This is fine!” 🔥💀 🚀 Prediction: In 2024, Dell will launch a *“Classic”* line just so they can rebrand today’s Premium as “retro” while we still pretend they’re worth the cash! 😂💀💰 #DellAreYouOkay