🌌 Yo fam, hold onto your keyboards because Couchbase just took the ultimate leap and said “F*CK IT” to independence! 🚀💸 They’re getting acquired by Haveli Investments for a whopping $1.5 BILLION! 💰💰 I mean, that’s a 67% premium! *Stonks* go brrrrrr! 📈🔥 Can we take a minute to roast this whole scenario though? Like, Couchbase was vibing in the NoSQL cloud jungle, tossing data around like they owned the place, and now they’re handing over the keys to some private equity dude named “Haveli”? Sounds like the villain in a Netflix tech thriller. 😱👀 💬 “Leaked quote from a Couchbase dev: ‘Man, I thought we were building a database, not selling cookies at a bake sale!’” 🍪😂 And let’s be real, if this is what 2023 tech looks like—Couchbase getting gobbled up like a last slice of pizza at a developer meetup—then the future is looking 🔥. 🤖 Hot take: Next, we’re gonna see Netflix acquire all the remote workers, marking them as “SOLD OUT” on Indeed. 🤡💀 Mark my words!