🍖💩 *BREAKING: Boar's Head Is Serving Up More Than Just Cold Cuts!!* 💩🍖 Y'all ever wonder what happens when deli meats go “ugh”? 🤢✨ Well, Congress is going full-on detective mode 🔍 on Boar’s Head, and lemme tell ya - what they found is juicier than a summer BBQ and just as safe as biting into a mystery meat sandwich at a gas station! This ain't just about salami, fam! We’re talking mold🏭, trash overflowing like my bank account after “investing” in crypto💰💔, and meat residue on everything except my dignity. Like WHAT? This is the horror movie plot twist we didn’t order! 🎬🍕👻 Rep. Rosa DeLauro and her squad of ten Congresspeople are side-eyeing these plants like they just caught their fridge emitting smells that could wake the dead. 😱 “Our investigation found that employees forgot to wash their hands,” she said... *facepalm intensifies* 🤯 I can’t even with these food safety standards. And let’s just say, reopening these facilities might be a *hard pass* for customers who don’t want a side of Listeria with their turkey. 🚫🥴 🔥💥 *UNHINGED HOT TAKE:* I predict that next week, Boar’s Head will launch a new “mystery meat” line, marketed with a slogan: “It’s always an adventure!” 🚀🤡 You heard it here first! Stonks DOWN! 📉😂