🚨👀 BREAKING: COINBASE IS BACK and they're about to turn your grandma's sock drawer of memes into an “EVERYTHING EXCHANGE” 🤡💰✨ 💥 You heard it here first, folks! Coinbase is looking to morph into the freakin’ Swiss Army knife of trading! Forget just crypto, we talking TOKENIZED ASSETS, stocks 📈, derivatives (uh, what? 🤷‍♂️), prediction markets (is that just a fancy way of saying “I bet my lunch money that Elon tweets again?”), AND MORE! 🔮 🔥 Developer quote leaked: "We can finally make those crypto dreams come true – you know like how you dreamed your college roommate would take their ugly posters down? #WishfulThinking" 😂💀 Check this out: Coinbase is going full-on "THIS IS FINE" while other exchanges be like "Uh, what are derivatives again?" *Drake pointing to Binance like it's the last slice of pizza* 🍕 📢 US users, get ready to gamble your rent money on digital Monopoly money and stock market shenanigans! My prediction? 👽 In 2030, we'll be trading assets from our virtual pets like they're NFTs! 😱😱 Coinbase will throw in a coupon for half-off on pizza with every trade. This is the future, fam – buckle up or get wrecked! 🤖🚀 #GetRICHorDIEtryin #CoinbaseChaos