🚨🔥 Calling all Cyber Buzzards! 🔥🚨 Today in "Tech News That Made Me Yawn 1000!" we have Coalition Inc. doing the cyber dance after snagging Wirespeed Inc. for an undisclosed price! 💰💰 Is it just me, or is this like buying a new pair of Nikes to run from the bear? 🐻💨 **BREAKING: Leaked Developer Quote!** 🗣️💬 “We’re just trying to make sure hackers are more out of breath than our users when they try to invade.” 😂💀 You heard it here first, Coalition is out here turning “threat detection” into a speedrun competition. 🕒🎮 “Milliseconds instead of hours”?! This ain't the Flash, it's just your average cybersecurity nightmare getting speedrun. 🤖💨 *Insert Drake pointing meme here* 😤 But for real, this is like *if your antivirus software had caffeine*—now we can catch those bad guys faster than I can forget my passwords. 🤦‍♂️💻💔 **Hot Take:** Within a year, Coalition will offer a feature that literally cracks jokes at cyber criminals to throw them off. “Why did the hacker break up with his girlfriend? Because she had too many firewalls!” 🔥🤣 Stay tuned for more unhinged takes, and remember: "This is fine." 🔥 #CyberSpicy #MemeLordApproved