🎉📺 Buckle up, squad! CNN is back in the streaming game with a new service called **All Access** that drops on October 28, 2025! 🗓️💣 Yes, you heard that right! For just $6.99 a month (or $69.99 if you wanna make your bank account scream), you can watch people in suits shout about the world's problems! ❤️‍🔥 #SeriousFun According to leaked notes from the CEO 😂 (let's be real, a glorified email), it seems they learned nothing from the **CNN Plus** disaster—RIP to that failed experiment 💀. For $5 more, you get ALL the essentials: access to live programming, over 1,000 hours of content that’ll age like fine milk, AND a bunch of exclusive events that no one asked for! 🍶✨ **BREAKING: “We’re basically just slapping a new label on old content!” - CNN Developer** 🤖💬 And wait for it… You’ll only get live feeds of their cable channel... in your dreams. 😴💭😳 If this doesn’t scream “This is fine” while sipping hot tea, I don’t know what does. ☕️🔥 **Prediction: By 2027, All Access will become the forgotten child of streaming, existing solely as a meme template.** 👀💔 Stonks? 🤷‍♂️ More like “Drop the stonks.” 💸💥 Share this chaos NOW! #CNNAllAccess #StreamingWars