🎉🚨 Y’all, Cisco just dropped the ultimate “Hey, we’re still relevant” news on Splunk, or as I like to call it: Cisco flexing on the haters with some AI juju. 😤✨ So apparently, Cisco is sprinkling some *agentic AI* on Splunk, which sounds like a new side character from a 2000s sci-fi movie. 🤖💥 I mean, who needs a security guard when you can have a robot that *thinks for itself*? Sorry, Skynet, but Cisco's here to take the crown. 👑😜 And guess what? They're rolling out two new flavors of Splunk Enterprise Security: *Essentials* and *Premier.* So like, if you wanna be basic or if you're feeling fancy, you can pick your poison. Just let me know if you’re not vibing with "Essentials" (🧢) because that title is giving serious "I tried to impress my parents" energy. 😂 💰 *Leaked Developer Quote*: “We basically just fed Splunk a bunch of cat videos and now it’s a cybersecurity genius. No cap.” 🐱➡️💻 🔥 In conclusion, here’s my unhinged hot take: the only thing more agentic than this AI will be my **inability to trust it with my Wi-Fi password**. Stonks? More like stonks in the strangest Twilight Zone episode ever. Buckle up, nerds! 🚀💀