🚨 BREAKING NEWS: CHINA'S SALT TYHOON HACKERS ARE CRACKING OPEN THE SECURITY OF THE US NATIONAL GUARD LIKE A KID WITH EASTER EGGS! 🥚🔓 For nearly a YEAR, these digital ninjas were vibing in the US National Guard's servers like it was a free buffet. 🍽️💀 Can someone tell the guards to upgrade their Wi-Fi password from "password123" to something a bit more original? Cue the Drake "not this" meme, amirite? 🙈😂 But wait, there’s more! This wasn’t just a one-snooze wonder. The IRS is secretly sliding into ICE's DMs with data-sharing that would make your college roommates jealous. 🚀💸 Otherwise, how else could they afford all those luxurious government jets? Stonks on the taxpayers, y’all. 📈💰 And let’s not forget that glorious 20-year-old vulnerability in train brakes. That's like finding out your grandma still uses a flip phone – CRINGE! 🤦‍♂️💔 Like, is it 2003? Can we *please* stop pretending we’re in an episode of "This is Fine"? 🔥 🌌 Hot take: In 2025, the National Guard will be using TikTok dances as their primary form of cybersecurity. 😂🔒💃 #CouldBeUs #SaltTyphoon2025 Leaked quote from a developer: "We thought they were just 'simming' us, woah!" 🤖🔥