🔥🚀 Hold onto your Bibles, folks, because we've got a *Holy Sh*t* moment TONIGHT! 😇 This just in: Charlie Kirk's memorial was basically a mega-church version of Coachella. 🎤✨ 90,000 peeps in Glendale, AZ, vibing hard, while another 100 million were watching the live stream like it was the Super Bowl of Right-Wing Legends. Are they passing out snacks, or just communion wafers? 👀🍞 According to a totally legit leak (we're looking at you, insider Steve!), as the crowd chanted “Martyr!” like they were at a rock concert, one attendee was overheard saying, “Dude, I thought I came for the sermon, not a 4-hour TED Talk on why tomatoes are leftist propaganda.” 🍅🤡 And who could forget the epic moment when a speaker compared Charlie to Jesus while holding a coffee cup that said, “#Blessed”? Drip or drown, am I right?! ☕💦 But here’s the real kicker: Some analysts are saying this was ALL a strategic ploy to launch *Turning Point: The Musical* next. 🎭💰 As if we didn’t have enough cringe content already! 🔥 So, put on your helmets, comrades! My hot take? Next year, they’ll host a *Kirk-a-Palooza* Festival. Think glamping, prayer circles, and political karaoke! Who’s ready to belt out "Eye of the Storm" while doing the floss dance?! 😩💀💃 #StonksOrStones