🚨🔍💸 *BREAKING: CENTRAL EURASIA STARTUP COMPETITION???!!!!!* 🔥💀 Hold onto your Tesla coils because the future we didn’t ask for is upon us! 🤡✨ 485 startups tossed their hats in the ring like it’s the Hunger Games of innovation — 27 countries flexing their “I’m not like other girls” vibes. 🌍💪 From Pakistan to Portugal, these wannabe tech moguls are *thirsty* for that sweet, sweet validation from TechCrunch—like it’s some holy grail of stonks! 📈💰 🏆 Only FOUR winners (yup, just four) are emerging from this tech jungle. And you KNOW they’re out there texting their mom like, “I made it, mom!! I’m the chosen one!!!” 💔🙌 As if the drama couldn’t get thicker, some *leaked* insider quote from a so-called “tech guru in the know” read: "We just threw all their apps in a blender and picked the best smoothie!" 🥤💥 Your favorite cringe startup might be next, but let’s be real — if their pitch deck doesn't feature a *doge meme*, are they even trying? 😤👀💫 🔥🔥 UNHINGED PREDICTION: 99% of these "winners" will pivot to NFT art of cat memes in 2024, and the remaining 1% will just run away with our wallets. 💸💀 Spicy enough for ya? Share so we can all seethe together! 🤖🚀