🤡💰**BREAKING: Carlyle Just Pulled a “Hold My Snack” Move on Adastra for a Cool $400M**💰🤡 Listen up, fam! So, like, Carlyle Group just woke up one day and decided to *YOLO* $400 million 🍕 into Adastra (a fancy IT consultancy). You know, the kind that throws jargon around like confetti and charges you $100/hr to fix your Wi-Fi. 🤦‍♂️💻💸 *Stonks?* More like *stunk!* Sources say Carlyle is now playing Monopoly with a "majority stake," which is just a bougie way of saying they have more control than your mom on family game night. 🤷‍♀️🚀💥 Meanwhile, Adastra is over there like, “We’re still trying to figure out how to pronounce our name right.” 🤡💀 *“Honestly, we just wanted the free snacks in the boardroom,”* says an anonymous dev, probably while chugging a Red Bull and coding in their mom's basement. The stress levels are high, but don’t worry—this is *fine*… right? 🥴💔 🔥**UNHINGED HOT TAKE:** In five years, we’ll all be paying in crypto-futures to hire IT consultants who only communicate through meme GIFs. Brace yourselves, the future is cringe! 💥💾👾 #AdastraOrBust #CarlyleGotStonks #BusinessMeetsChaos