🚨📢 BREAKING NEWS: Canonical's cooking up some spicy OpenJDK sauce for all you Java devs out there! 🍝💻 Like a magician pulling rabbits out of hats, they just promised 12 YEARS of security support! 😱💥✨ Y’all, that's longer than some relationships these days! 💔😂 But fr fr, with 90% of Fortune 500 companies still riding that Java wave like they’re on a Dell laptop from 2005, Canonical is here like "Hold my beer: we got your back!" 🍺🔥 Imagine the immortal legacy apps strutting around like “I’m 12 years old, and I’m still running smoothly, unlike your last Tinder date” 😏💅💔. Their Ubuntu Pro subscription got your Java covered like a warm hug in a winter storm! ❄️💖 But wait—here's where it gets juicier! Developer Bob from Canonical was overheard saying, “We’ll make Java faster than your ex’s ego, but don’t tell them that!” 🤣💀 So what’s the next big prediction? 🤔 Hold onto your keyboards, because I’m calling it: in 5 years, the term "Java developer" will be changed to "Java-age wizard" and schools will have majors in legacy app voodoo ⚡️🌌. This is fine. 🔥💀 #StonkThatCode #JavaMoreLikeJavaNah