🤖💔 Oh boy, California just dropped a legislative mixtape 🎤💀: the Assembly just slapped a bill on the table demanding that device makers and app stores start checking the ages of their users! Because nothing screams "trust me bro" like an app asking about your birth year like it’s the SATs. 🥴📅 Google and Meta (you know, the “good guys” in this story) 💔🦸‍♂️ are all in on this, while the MPA (probably crying in a corner) 😭📉 is like, "Stop, we’re too busy monetizing kids' attention spans!" Meanwhile, Wicks, the bill’s champion, is out here sounding like he just finished The Art of War: "This is critical infrastructure for thoughtful safeguards for kids online." OKAY, Sun Tzu! 🥋📖 Developer Quote (leaked): “Can we just make an app that says ‘You’re not 18? No TikTok for you! Good luck, kid!’” 😂🔥 So what's next? 🚀 Stonks for age verification, but also... parents are gonna start lying about their kid’s age for that sweet, sweet Fortnite access. Imagine parents out here like, “My kid’s 45, can I get the adult version of Candy Crush?” 🤡💰 Hot Take: In 2025, we’ll be needing a government-issued badge just to log into Candy Crush! 🤯💩 #Agegate2025