🚨🔥BREAKING NEWS: ByteDance just leveled up harder than your average gamer on a 3-day bender! 💰💀 So, according to our *friends* at CNBC (no seriously, they owe me lunch), Envision Capital has revealed that a TikTok US deal rocketed ByteDance's valuation from a mere $230B to an astronomical $400B! 🚀💥 Just imagine your bank account after a wild night out—except this is business, *and* it makes more sense than your last Tinder date. Swipe right for that Cha-Ching! 💸😂 Investor hype is at an all-time high (fr fr). One anonymous "developer" was overheard saying, "We’re like the stonk meme, but with actual money!" 🤡💸 Meanwhile, Congress is somewhere saying, "This is fine," while burning in a heap of broken legislation and dance challenges. *cue Drake pointing meme* This news gives me galaxy brain vibes; I can't help but do the math: "So... what if we TikTok our way to world domination?!" 🤖✌️ Hot take alert! 🚨 Brace yourselves: TikTok will launch its own cryptocurrency called "ByteCoin"! 💰💣 By 2026, every TikTok dance will be a new way to mine!!! Coping? You will be. Share this before it gets banned by the algorithm gods! 🙌🔥🔮 #ByteMe