🚨✨ BREAKING: ByteDance is like that one kid at a birthday party who hogs all the cake! 🎂💀 Sources say they're still holding onto TikTok US' cash cows—e-commerce and advertising. Like, can we get some drip over here? Stonks are flying high, my dude! 💰📈 While the rest of us mortals are sweating over loan repayments, ByteDance is sipping iced lattes, knowing they've got everything on LOCKDOWN 🔒👑. “We’re just here to make money and dance like nobody’s watching,” said one imaginary dev, clearly in the moonlight of meme space. 🌙🤖 But wait, there’s more! 🔥 They're spinning up a joint venture for U.S. user data and algorithms—that’s like putting a filter on your life choices and still pretending we don't see the cringe. 😂🚀 “This is fine,” said every TikTok user as ByteDance keeps cashing in on those microtransactions like a boss. 🧠💥 Users get algorithmic rizz, big tech flexes on privacy, and we’re all just left seething! Cope, indeed! 🔥 Hot take: In 2025, ByteDance will own your pets’ social media accounts, selling their cuties as NFTs. Get ready to LIKE or LEAVE it! 🤡💀 #ByteDance #TikTokTakeover