🔔💥 *BREAKING NEWS: TikTok Ditches Screen Time for Zen Time!* 💥🔔 💔🥴 Say goodbye to those terrifying moments when you realize you just watched 327 dance videos in a row and start to question your life choices! TikTok is now serving *good vibes only* with its new in-app “affirmation journal” and sound machine! 🤯✨ 📜🧘‍♂️ That's right, fam! Forget doomscrolling—now you can set your *intentions*! Want to feel the grace of a thousand suns? Just grab that “grace” card! ✨🌞 And yes, you can download that bad boy and share it, because nothing screams “I’m fine” like pushing your self-care onto your friends! 🐚🎶 Also, if you ever needed a digital rain sound generator to drown out the cringe-worthy family dinner chatter, TikTok just dropped that too! Why? Because 14% more relaxation is basically the same as a 100% excuse to ignore your problems! 🤫💅 👺💸 Meme maestro Steve from TikTok’s dev team said, "If they won’t listen to our *wellness missions,* maybe they’ll drown out their emotional crises with ASMR waves... It’s not therapy, but we’re out here.” 🚀🔥 And here’s the prediction: Next up, TikTok will replace the ‘For You Page’ with your personal therapist and you’ll be *swiping* through motivational quotes like they’re hot takes on Twitter! Remember this when we’re all in therapy via TikTok! 🤖💰 #SelfCareOrS4L #ThisIsFine 🛑😱 *Follow for more unhinged company updates!*