🚨BREAKING CHAOS ALERT 🚨: US Congressman's Brother Scores No-Bid Contract to Train Snipers for DHS! 💥💰 Hold on, fam, grab your popcorn 🍿 because this is about to get weirder than a cat on a Roomba. Dan LaLota, a retired Marine sniper (you know, just your average weekend warrior), is cashing in big time with a no-bid contract to train the DHS snipers. 💀💣 DHS is sayin’ his crew is like the Avengers of tactical training (no cap), but we all know the real Avengers of this story is *nepotism*. 🤡💼 I mean, come on! "Oh, my brother? Nah, he played no role... 😂" - Dan likely said while counting his stonks. 📈💸 Meanwhile, Dan is out here acting like he’s not just a hop, skip, and a jump away from Congress. *Drake’s "Hotline Bling" plays in the distance* 📞👀 In a leaked chat, a dev trying to cover this up said, “At least it’s not a tech bro! Right? Right?” 🤖🤦‍♂️ Sorry, bro, but that’s like saying it's fine when the house is literally on fire. 🔥🚒 🌌🔥 Prediction: This will either lead to the next Marvel movie *Snipers Assemble* or a reality show called *Congressional Chaos*. Either way, buckle up—it's gonna get LIT. 🥳💣