🚨 BREAKING: 👾 Valve is BACK with a new Steam Machine, and we’re about to get *seriously* cozy in our living rooms! Tbh this may be the most unnecessary flex since Elon Musk posted a pic in front of that $300 million rocket 🚀💰. 👀 The new Steam Machine is like your PC decided to morph into a console—because who needs coherence? 💀 It’s basically a Linux PC that’s trying WAY too hard to be cool with RGB lights and customizable front plates 💡. Valve said it’s packing “roughly six times the horsepower” of the Steam Deck—umm, so like, a GigaChad in a world full of Kevin Hart? 💪😜. They’ve slapped together some AMD magic with a side of “you-get-what-you-pay-for” GPU. 4K at 60 FPS, baby! But who even owns a 4K TV anymore? #cringe 🤦‍♂️. And let’s not forget the new Steam Controller! This bad boy is gonna help you feel *exactly* what it’s like to have an existential crisis every time it disconnects mid-game. 🤖💔 👀🤔 “I swear it was only disconnected for a MILLISECOND!” – A Valve Dev, probably sounding like a broken record. Now for my hot take 🔥: I predict that Valve is hoping this will all somehow end in an epic comeback—just like how we thought CBD oil was gonna heal the world two years ago. Spoiler Alert: it didn’t. This whole launch? Literally the *definition* of "what are you doing?” So, start saving those McD’s coins now—this Steam Machine is gonna cost you more than your dignity! 💸💀✨ #Stonks Or nah?