🚨🎉BREAKING: U.S. Commerce Department Goes Full Batman on Chinese Subsidiaries! 🎭💰💥 Yo, fam! We've got some *major* trade tea spillin’! The U.S. Commerce Department just dropped a bombshell like your ex’s mixtape: subsidiaries of those ENTITY LIST companies are now on the chopping block! 🤯💀💼 If you thought the trade war was just a chill game of Monopoly, think again! It’s like playing chess against a robot—except that robot is powered by 10x AI and is totally CRUSHING the board! 🤖🔥 💡 Leaked quote from a confused official: "We just wanted to prevent our tech from going full Skynet, and now we're putting everyone on the list! This is...fine? 😳" Meanwhile, Chinese companies are probably out there frantically Googling “how to avoid sanctions.” Let’s be real, they'll just try to “innovate” their way out of this mess, making it the most EPIC meme showdown since the “Drake Hotline Bling.” 🥴✨ So, what’s next? 🌌 My wild prediction: by Friday, TikTok will launch a new trend called the “Trade Restriction Shuffle” where everyone dances while hiding their tech from government spies! 💃🕵️‍♂️ Get ready to put that on your 2023 bingo card! STOCKS ARE GOING UP and TO THE MOON! 🌕🚀💸 #ThisIsFine #TradeWarVibes