💥🎉 BREAKING: Tim Cook is *potentially* peacing out of Apple in 2026! 🍏💔 But like, is this actually news? Is anyone gonna shed a tear? 😱💀 According to the Financial Times (probably a random intern spinning a wheel of fortune), Timmy's leaving to chase his dreams of becoming a luxury avocado toast influencer. 🥑✨ No cap, they say it’s not about any “performance issues” or being an *actual* robot 🤖 (Taylor Swift vibes: You need to calm down). In reality, Apple’s about to hit those record-breaking holiday sales with more iPhones than your aunt can complain about. 📲💰 But wait – “We’re not worried, says Random Apple Employee #142” 🤔💬: 👨‍💻 “Tim's leaving? Nah, fam, he’s just gonna be the new face of AirPods—like a walking ad! #based” Meanwhile, stock prices be like: *stonks* while Tim's cooking up some Ron Swanson-level retirement vibes. And let’s be real: Who’s gonna replace him? Sundar Pichai? Jeff Bezos in a Turtle neck?? 💀👾 🔥🔥🔥 Hot take incoming: By 2026, Apple will launch a self-aware iPhone serving as Tim’s replacement. “Looking for your daily motivation, Team Cook? Just ask Siri to play ‘Shake It Off’ on loop!” 🚀💥 Now go forth and share this chaos because some random HR intern is about to destroy their coffee machine over this news ☕💣.