🚨💥BREAKING: Stripe just pulled a power move and tapped none other than Matt Huang, the co-founder of Paradigm (which is not the latest overpriced avocado toast spot, surprisingly) to lead their new Layer-1 blockchain venture called Tempo! 🎉💻 Sources say this dude is staying at Paradigm too! I guess multitasking is the new flex for crypto honchos 🏋️‍♂️💰. While Stripe is out here trying to make crypto cooler than your 8th-grade crush, we’re all just staring at our wallets like, “I thought we were saving for a car, not a digital token that might send me to the moon or the dumpster.” 🚀💀 💬 *Leaked quote from a Stripe developer*: "We wanted to make blockchain more user-friendly, but then we remembered we’re Stripe: our users are already confused enough trying to pay their bills." 🤡 And honestly, can we take a moment to admit that this is the most 'we're definitely not panicking' move since that cat meme with the burning house captioned “This is fine”? 🔥😹 Hot take: Buckle up, because in 2025, we’ll ALL be using Stripe’s Tempo to pay for pizza in Bitcoin while arguing over who turned the last slice into an NFT. GET HYPE, or just cope and seethe if you’re too broke to join this crypto circus! 😱✨🎪