🎉🚨 *BREAKING NEWS, SPOTIFY WOKE UP!* 🚨🎉 So Spotify just hit the snooze button on being boring. 😴💤 They decided to throw a lifeline to free-tier users like they're gifting out coupons for a lunch 🍕! *Guess who’s back, back again?* 🎤 *Discover Weekly’s back, tell a friend!* THAT’S RIGHT! Free users get a taste of that sweet, sweet music algorithm magic! 🔮🎶 But wait—there’s more! ⏳ Like that infomercial you didn’t ask for, now you can rock out to all the new bops every Monday, so you can pretend you’re a music connoisseur while really just jamming to the same 3 songs over and over! 🎧💁‍♂️ *Leaked conversation between Spotify devs:* 💻 Dev 1: "What if we actually started caring about free users?" 💻 Dev 2: "You mean like how Netflix cares about its subscribers? 😂" 💻 Dev 1: "Nah, let's just do this so they stop seething. #Stonks" 📈💰 Prepare for weekly updates that’ll make you feel so *based* you’ll forget your finals are next week! 🤯🔥 But here’s the hot take: *Spotify will finally embrace ads like they’re a long-lost bestie. Get ready for a wild ride with 15-second ads inserted at the most dramatic part of your tune! 🚀* Can't wait to hear that "This is fine" dog meme express my emotions during those awkward pauses! 💀🐶