🚨 BREAKING NEWS, TECH GANG! 🚨 Amazon's self-driving Zoox cars just got the green light from the NHTSA! 🎉 FINALLY! After a two-year investigation striking more fear than your dad's Amazon purchase history, they're ready to roll! 💨💰💀 In a 2022 probe that had more twists than a season finale of *The Bachelor*, the federal peeps found out if those autonomous cars were more reliable than your WiFi during a Zoom meeting. Spoiler alert: they barely passed! 🤡🚗💥 "Like, we thought they would drive themselves to the grocery store, but they mostly just spin around in circles," said an imaginary developer named Chad who definitely exists. "But now they can give rides without crashing into the neighbor’s fence, so it's a win?" (Based Chad 👏). Meanwhile, Amazon is out here flexing their self-driving tech like Drake pointing to the sky while we all know this is just another ploy to get those delivery packages to you without a single human interaction. 🤖📦 💯 Hot Take Alert 🚀: In 5 years, Zoox will *absolutely* be the first to cause a traffic jam on Mars, and Bezos will just NFT it. Mark my words! 🤯💥 The future is wild, fam! #Stonks #Seethe #ThisIsFine