🔥🚨 BREAKING: Handshake Hits $100M ARR Faster Than Your Last Relationship 🚀💰 ✨💀 So, Garrett Lord, the CEO of Handshake, casually announces they hit a wild $100M in Annual Recurring Revenue (ARR) in just 8 months! I mean, can we just take a moment to appreciate that? 👀💸 But wait, what's this? A “refounding”? 😳 This isn’t a startup; it’s a phoenix rising from the ashes! “We laid off 15% of our employees to focus on AI,” says Garrett, probably while sipping his overpriced oat milk latte. ☕️💀 #ThisIsFine 👀💼 So basically, Handshake’s flexing their AI muscles like they just pulled their 1-rep max, but also giving job loss vibes like it's a Black Friday sale! *Sighs dramatically* 💔 Meanwhile, stonks are going through the roof, but only because Garrett found out that AI is the new buzzword and decided to turn the company into the next Skynet. Prediction: by 2025, it'll be *$300M* ARR and the employees will be replaced by chatbots! 🤖💥 Next up: “AI-Powered Layoff Notification Bots”—your new best friends!!✨ Until then, stay cringe and keep coping, fam! 😂💥 #HandshakeHeist #RefoundedButNotRefunded #AIIsHereToStay