🚨💔 BREAKING: FCC Chairman Brendan Carr Just Hit the School Kids with the Ultimate “NO WIFI FOR YOU!” Move 📉💩 In a stunning lack of compassion straight outta a horror movie, the FCC is pulling the plug on funding for programs that let school kids and local libraries actually, like, *use the internet* 🏫💻! Yup, you heard it right! Yesterday, in a 2-1 vote (thank you, Olivia Trusty, for your shining *clapback* 🙄), they decided to deep-six this initiative like it's 1945 and the internet is still a twinkle in Al Gore's eye. 💀✨ Chairman Carr had the *gall* to say that Biden-era programs “exceeded authority.” Sir, I think this is a classic case of “WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.” 💔🚫 Meanwhile, school kids everywhere are like “This is fine” 🔥🧑‍🎤 as they prepare for the mental gymnastics of learning on dial-up. 💬 *"Is Wi-Fi even a thing anymore?"* says the disgruntled tech intern, staring blankly at the empty Wi-Fi signal. But here's the real tea ☕: Expect an underground Wi-Fi black market to pop off like “stonks” 🚀💰 and kids are about to turn into future tech millionaires inventing WiFi-sniffing drones in their basements. You heard it here first, no cap! 🤖👾 In conclusion? If this is the future of education, I’m going to need a time machine to go back to *when kids actually had internet access* because this is utter chaos. Buckle up, fam! 😱✨