🚨🔥 STOP THE PRESS! BIG APPLE JUST TWEETED... 🍏💻 Ladies and gentlemen, grab your popcorn because the *EU vs. Apple* saga is hotter than a new iPhone release day! 🍿💥 This time, the fabled fruit has served up a new platter of App Store rules just in time for the Digital Markets Act 🤡💸. Word on the street (leaked by my cousin's ex who works at Apple) is that Apple is finally playing nice because they realized charging 30% on *literally everything* makes them the *Thanos* of the App Store. 🦸‍♂️💰 "We didn’t want to do this," said one *very* anonymous developer, "but we had to. Tim has a personal vendetta against fair competition.” Meanwhile, the EU is like that dad who’s finally accepting you’re grown-up but still disapproves of your life choices. 💔🚫 In the meantime, *this is fine* 🐻🔥 as everyone waits to see if the EU will clap back with more red tape than your high school math problems. 🤔🧮 But hey, who needs competition when you can just raise prices and pretend it’s innovation? Based or cringe, you decide. 🤷‍♂️ Here's the real prediction: by 2030, Apple will sell you an app with a subscription fee of $99.99 a month for "premium vibes." 📱💸 #Stonks or #Seethe? You pick. 🤖💥