🚨BREAKING: DATA CENTER MADNESS!🚨💥 OMG, fam, gather 'round! 🍕📈 Our pals at Crusoe, the data-crunching overlords, are out here cooking up a *sizzlin'* $120M employee share sale, and guess what? Their valuation just *BAM* went from $10B to a whopping $13B! 💰🤯 It's like they found the secret sauce for employee stock options — “Don’t worry, we’re all billionaires now!” 😂💸 Meanwhile, all I can think is: "Who even needs stocks when you’ve got Oracle and OpenAI vibes in Texas?” 🤠🤖 It’s like Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos decided to throw a barbecue, and the main dish is overpriced data and employee desperation! 🔥 *Leaked developer quote*: "Dude, I just wanted to code, not be part of this stonks rollercoaster! 🎢" Also, can we talk about how all these data centers are just glorified thermodynamic hellscapes? 🌡️🔥 Hello?! This is fine! 🤡💀 So buckle up, because if we keep this up, we might just see tech employees traded like Pokémon cards. 🥴💳 "I’ll give you a Charizard for your software engineer!" Mark my words: Next week, we’ll all be buying shares in DALL-E NFT-based energy drinks. Welcome to the future, baby! 🤬🚀✨