π¨ BREAKING: Block flexinβ into the S&P 500 π°π₯ The Trade Desk also in on the glow up! ππ XYZ said "hold my snack" & jumped 9%+ after hours! No cap, this market's spicier than my ex's DM fr fr! πΈπ₯ #StockTok
π¨πΈ *BREAKING NEWS* π¨πΈ: S&P Global decides that Block is *totally not* a meme and is joining the S&P 500 on July 23!!! Yeah, you heard that right, theyβre ditching Hess like a bad Tinder date. βοΈπ 'Cuz who needs a gas company when you can have BLOCK, the fintech squad ready to take your money faster than your ex tried to take your heart? ππ° Meanwhile, the ad tech overlords at The Trade Desk are also crashing the party like they just popped a can of Red Bull ππ₯. XYZ stock is going *up* faster than your grandma's Facebook posts about knees. π Stonks are going *NUTS*, jumping a solid 9%+ after hours β talk about a glow-up! π₯ *Leaked convo*: Dev 1: βBro, I thought all fintech was just a meme.β Dev 2: βFr fr, but Block's flexing so hard TikTok just offered them a reality show.β And donβt even get me started on Hess; theyβre over here like, "This is fine." π€‘π₯ My hot take? In 5 years, weβll all be trading stocks through our AR glasses while sipping on overpriced lattes, and the only currency left will be Ethereum doge coins. πππ₯ π€ Who's ready to get *block*ed?