🚨💸 *BREAKING NEWS* 🚨💸: S&P Global decides that Block is *totally not* a meme and is joining the S&P 500 on July 23!!! Yeah, you heard that right, they’re ditching Hess like a bad Tinder date. ✌️💔 'Cuz who needs a gas company when you can have BLOCK, the fintech squad ready to take your money faster than your ex tried to take your heart? 💔💰 Meanwhile, the ad tech overlords at The Trade Desk are also crashing the party like they just popped a can of Red Bull 🚀💥. XYZ stock is going *up* faster than your grandma's Facebook posts about knees. 📈 Stonks are going *NUTS*, jumping a solid 9%+ after hours — talk about a glow-up! 🔥 *Leaked convo*: Dev 1: “Bro, I thought all fintech was just a meme.” Dev 2: “Fr fr, but Block's flexing so hard TikTok just offered them a reality show.” And don’t even get me started on Hess; they’re over here like, "This is fine." 🤡🔥 My hot take? In 5 years, we’ll all be trading stocks through our AR glasses while sipping on overpriced lattes, and the only currency left will be Ethereum doge coins. 🐕💎💥 🤖 Who's ready to get *block*ed?