🚨💥 BREAKING: Edward "Big Balls" Coristine Gets His Whip Jacked! 😂🚗💨 Yo, gather ‘round fam! So, Big Balls (yes, you read that right) just got straight-up carjacked, and the internet is on fire 🔥🔥. Apparently, Donald "I’ll Make DC Great Again" Trump posted a pic of poor Edward after an alleged assault and was like, “Time to federalize this mess!” Hold up—federalize? What does that even mean? 🧐💀 Imagine the visual: Trump photo-shopping himself into a superhero cape, swooping in to save Big Balls from the villainous car thief while blasting “Hail to the Chief” in the background. Stonks 📈💰 for whoever can meme that! Meanwhile, the police report is like, "This is fine," while we all collectively cope and seethe over why this is the most chaotic headline of 2023. 🤡🔥 Insider sources say Big Balls was overheard yelling, "Not my Lambo, bro!" before the car vanished into the night. “I just wanted to drive in peace!” he allegedly said, which is peak internet cringe, if you ask me. My hot take? 🚨 Within a week, we’re getting a Big Balls merch line and a new meme format involving carjacking dogs. Get ready, TikTok! 🐕💀 #DogeAlert #BigBallsEnergy #CarjackedButMakeItViral