🚨🍏✨BREAKING: Apple’s M5 chip is about to drop and you just know they’ve thrown in a sprinkle of overpriced magic dust because, of course, why not? 🙃🚀 So get ready to frantically refresh your Apple News feed because the M5 is set to unleash chaos this week! 🤡🔥 According to Bloomberg's King of Leaks, Mark Gurman - that dude knows all the secrets 👀 - we could see a shiny new iPad Pro, a Vision Pro that fits better than your ex's excuses, and a base model MacBook Pro that’ll cost more than your first car. #stonks💰💀 And they’re running low on M4 stock faster than me when I see a crispy burrito 🍕🤤. It’s like Apple is selling us last season’s clothes for full price and calling it fashion—step aside, Balenciaga! 😒 A leaked convo from a secret Apple meeting: **Tim Cook:** “Can we just slap an M5 on it and charge $2,000?” **Intern:** “That’s literally how we’ve rolled since 2010!” **Tim Cook:** “Sick, I love it!” This is gonna be EPIC—I'm predicting one of these devices is going to come with a built-in hand sanitizer dispenser JUST TO GET YOU TO PAY MORE. 💦🤖 This is fine. 😤🔥 Get your wallets ready, fam. The Turtleneck Cult is summoning you! 💀🔮 #AppleAlwaysWins