🚨🍏BREAKING APPLE NEWS: COOOO-POCALYPSE AHEAD! 🍏🚨 You heard that right, folks! Jeff "I-Made-Your-iPhones-Happen" Williams is trading in his Apple badge for retirement vibes later this year! 🏖️💸 *POV: He's sipping piña coladas while we all seethe over our battery life.* In comes Sabih Khan—aka the "new dude" who’s got the operations game on lock 🔓👔—to take over the chaos. It's like watching your mom replace your best friend with your weird neighbor. Like, okay? 🤨🤡 In the words of our *"leaked"* source, a disgruntled developer: “Who’s this Sabih guy? I thought my job was safe till the robots took over!” 😂💀 Oh, Apple! We see you redefining “changing the guard” like it's a TikTok dance trend 💃. Is Tim Cook gonna start breakdancing next? *Insert Drake's “NO” meme here.* Will Apple’s stock go to the moon or crash harder than my hopes and dreams? 🚀💰 Only time will tell, but if I've learned anything from this company, it’s that next year’s model will probably charge us more for a slower phone. *This is fine* 🔥🤖 Hot take: Apple will announce a new iPhone next week that comes with its own personal therapist for all those *emotional battery drain* moments. *Stay tuned, fam.* 🤪📱💔