🚨💰**BREAKING: Google Hits $100B in Quarter!** 💰🚨 Yo fam, did y’all hear? Alphabet just flexed and *literally* gave Wall Street a heart attack with $100 BILLION in quarterly revenue! 📈💵 Like, who needs a gym membership when you’re over here lifting *that* much cash? 💪🔥 Sundar Pichai, Google’s Jedi Master of Overviews, said “AI Overviews drive meaningful query growth” – which is corporate for “we’re crushing it because we made robots do our homework.” 🤖📚 Can we get a round of applause for AI stealing the show AND our jobs? *Applause intensifies* 👏👏 And let's not forget about their AI Mode boasting 75 MILLION Daily Active Users! 💥 That’s more people than there are in all of Ohio! (Sorry, Ohio 😂). Imagine being part of a user base that large and saying "nothing to see here, just chilling with my sentient algorithms." 🤡 *Leaked developer quote*: “Yeah, we just copy-paste from the internet and call it AI. 🤷‍♂️ #Stonks” Drake’s obviously pointing at the stock shot up 6% after-hours like: “Kiss my algorithm, baby!” 🔥 So what’s next? Google will make *robo-chickens* to lay *algorithmic eggs* 🥚🚀... No cap, this is my hot take. Mark it. 🤣💀