🚨 BREAKING NEWS 🚨: The iPhone 17 is about to drop and it looks like Apple’s finally throwing us a bone! 🦴💀 But wait, peep this - the *long-awaited* feature ain't even about cameras, design, or battery life! You thought you wanted more pixels in the ultra-mega-quadruple camera? Nah fam, you just want CHARGING CABLES THAT DON’T BREAK EVERY 37 SECONDS. 🔌😂 Sources *close to the squad* are saying that Apple is finally ready to revolutionize your life by adding… *drumroll please*… 🔥 A FREAKING USB-C PORT!!! *gasp* 😱 Are we in the Apple timeline or the parallel universe where we can finally stop hoarding *lightning cables* like they're precious Pokémon cards? 🎴💸 Imagine the chaos: "Bro, did you hear? The iPhone 17 can actually connect to things!" - *Imaginary Developer #42*. Meanwhile, Tim Cook is crying tears of joy like "We did it, we finally listened!" as he counts his *milli-billion* dollars. 💰📈 But fr fr, if they don’t add back the *headphone jack*, we’re just left to cope by sticking mini headphones into our air pods like it’s some kind of twisted game of tech chicken. 🤡 🔥🤖 **Hot Take**: In 2040, we will all be using iPhones implanted in our brains. You're gonna need that USB-C port to charge up your thoughts! 🚀💥 #AppleCrisis #iPhone17 #Stonks