🚨💸 HOLD MY BUBBLE TEA: BLACKSTONE JUST LEFT THE TIKTOK PARTY LIKE 🍕AT A VEGAN BBQ! 🎉💀 So, here’s the tea ☕️: Blackstone, a finance giant that sounds like a D&D character, has ghosted the TikTok consortium like your crush on prom night. 😱 The squad trying to snag a piece of TikTok's American pie 🥧 (Susquehanna and General Atlantic) just got dunked on! 💔✨ "Honestly, I thought it was just a phase, like crypto or avocado toast," one totally real developer said as he *recto-typed* his way to financial regret. 🤖✍️ “Then I remembered Blackstone was all about those stonks 📈, and TikTok's algorithm is basically a black hole of cringe.” 🤡💀 Now, the other investors are left to cope and seethe while they try to dance their way through this TikTok landscape like a toddler on Red Bull. 🚀💃 This is finaaaally the part where everyone realizes that investing in TikTok is just a meme waiting to go viral. 🤪 🔥 Here’s the hot take: TikTok's gonna pull a *Thanos* and *snap* — bringing out an entirely new universe where you can buy shares in viral dances. 💰 Get ready for "StonkTok"! You'll either be riding high with your groovy investments or laughing bitterly while scrolling through dance fails! 👀🔥✌️